I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
