i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
