Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
