I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
