if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
