you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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