it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize