i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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