i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
