your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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