Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
