did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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