They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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