you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
