sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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