he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize