shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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