he wants to bone in the snuggie
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
