Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Mom said you looked used
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
