question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
