Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
