i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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