after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
