with your own penis?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
