My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
