mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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