grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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