I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize