I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't deserve a penis
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
