no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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