Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
