ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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