I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
