I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize