Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i love accidental penises.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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