Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
