dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
