dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
