Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
