she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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