Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
