I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
