i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
