Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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