I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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