I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
