I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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