I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
