So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
