a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
