And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
