Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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