Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
