I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize