Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
