i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
