Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
