Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is my gift to your gina
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
