Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize