is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize