i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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