drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
