OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
