considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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