this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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